My Neurotic Pug and my Two Year Old Puppy

This week has been… eventful.

This time last week I was herding in a stray that had been running around my neighborhood for a few weeks. Now “Tank” is passed out cold asleep on my couch. We now have four animals in our house… not counting Julia the Beta. (I know the beta is a male, but Monkey insisted his name was Julia.)

Just to make sure I’m not the only one with weird pets, similar to my weird food issues, I’m going to share, and I hope you will share your kooky pet stories as well.

Wonder Pug or not, this balloon is flippin' creepy.

Wonder Pug or not, this balloon is flippin’ creepy.

We’ll start with Zoe the Wonder Pug. She is a HUGE pug, but we’re working on that. She will eat or try just about anything. She loves people, but is somewhat aggressive with her affections. She demands attention and will jump and bark to get your attention. She is indifferent about other dogs, excluding her “family pugs.” (The woman we got Zoe from has Zoe’s mom, and two rescue pugs, one of which was fostered by me.) Cats are fun to chase, but they’re awfully fast. Classic pug, right?

Here are my Zoe’s weird quirks. She takes forever to go to the bathroom. Not only that, she has to turn circles to warm herself up. I counted once. Seventy-five circles before a pee. When she is in she tries to chase her tail. Problem is, she’s so thick and stocky, even she knows she’s not going to reach it. So instead, she sits and turns circles on the ground in hopes of finally catching that bastard of a tail. She has yet to beat it. And finally, she’s paranoid. Not of aliens or break-ins, but of the other animals in the house, especially the cats. For a reason I have yet to discover, Zoe is convinced that someone is out to steal her toys. As if the cats care. When the mood strikes her, she will take a toy and start searching for a hiding place. She goes from place to place, hiding the toy, covering it, standing back to admire her work, decides she’s unsatisfied, and picks it up again. Rinse and repeat. The funniest part is the furtiveness with which she searches. As if to say, “Aww, shit! Gotta hide this! Gotta hide it from the cats! Out to get my Precious!” (If you don’t fill in for the voices for your pets, then you’re either lying or in denial. We all do it.)




If the human head weighs 8lbs, Tank's is a solid 10.

If the human head weighs 8lbs, Tank’s is a solid 10.

As for Tank, he is all contradictions. He is big, muscular, and scary looking. His skull is probably the same width as mine. He is also a little dainty. Tank tip toes in wet grass because he doesn’t like to gets his footsies wet. He also has to “wipe” his face in the grass after eating, as opposed to trying to lick it off. The vet thinks he’s about two, but when he plays, he’s a 60 pound puppy. He wasn’t comfortable playing at first and I don’t think he was really able to do that in his early years. But a few times a day, he will “galumph.” Like from the Jabberwocky poem. He runs after a toy with his paws spread out and his back feet coming up to his ears. I’ll have to tape it, it’s so cute. He runs the way a horse runs, all legs out, all legs in kinda thing; except significantly less graceful. I’m just glad he can play. All the scars on his body tell me he didn’t get to be a puppy when he actually was one.

What silly things do your critters do? Enough comments, maybe a few videos from your phone, and we could have a winning YouTube channel or Meme!


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