When does the yelling stop?

I need to begin this post with two statements/disclaimers.

1.) I love my daughter. To the ends of the earth and back. I anticipate nothing short of the same for the one I’m currently incubating.

2.) Whenever you finish reading this post, call your parent(s). Better yet, send them a gift. Preferably of the alcoholic variety if they partake, because I can guarantee you at one point during your upbringing, they needed it and couldn’t get it.

This is where my husband and I are this evening.

Pretty much everything out of our mouths for the past 3 hours has been progressively escalating correction. “Stop. Please stop. Monkey, I’m serious, you need to stop. Do you want me to yell at you? Do you think Mama enjoys yelling at you? Didn’t we already talk about this? How many times today? You need to listen.” Until finally, “MONKEY! WHAT DID I JUST SAY?? ENOUGH! YOU NEED TO LISTEN!!”

Like most parents, we hate yelling at our kid. Which is why it takes longer than it probably should before things finally come to a stop. And she’s only five. Then, (and I can’t say if she does it on purpose or not,) she does the sweetest thing her little brain can come up with, leaving us to feel like terrible people.

Tonight, I looked at the Hubs and voiced my sudden realization. “We won’t get to stop yelling every night for like, eighteen more years.” Not only that, alcohol is lost to me for the foreseeable future.

Nothing like parenthood to drive you to drink. (Now is when you need to do #2 from above.)

Any ideas on how to get through to a deceptively smart, sweet, five year old with the attention span of a goldfish and selective hearing? I need to hear from you.

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